University Places Wants you to Get ALL your Security Deposit Back

A little common courtesy and respect will go a long way.

Want to get all your Security Deposit back?   Read this!

We enjoy fixing up our houses to make them look better. We also understand that accidents do happen and occasionally things get broken. No problem! Please call us when repairs are needed and we’ll take care of them as soon as possible.

When repairs are the result of old age or other house malfunctions, of course there is no charge. But broken windows, clogged drains due to tampons, stuck garbage disposals due to beer caps, holes in the wall due to excessive merriment – hey, we-re going to send you the bill and deduct if from your security deposit. Fair enough?

Here are typical charges that you might want to be aware of (prices subject to change):

1.      Removal of trash and debris left after move-out: $50/bag.

2.      Removing sticky tape, “moon and stars,” poster tack, etc. results in us having to prime and re-paint the wall, typically at $150/wall.

3.      Large holes in walls, broken windows, and other obvious damage at labor cost plus materials.

4.      Re-painting rooms from colorful expressions of teen angst back to the neutral and peaceful tones of Birch White are at labor cost plus materials.

5.      Garbage disposal and drain clogs. Often we’ll do the first one for free. But if we keep removing beer caps, too much food, broken glass, etc. we’ll have to charge you. Typically it’s $50 per call.

6.      Sewer clean-outs: There is a very high correlation between the flushing of tampons and major problems with sewer back-ups. If we have to snake out the main sewer line and we pull back even one of these beauties, we’ll be charging you for the sewer clean-out which starts at $210.

7.      Locked out of your room or house? Call us and we can let you in. It’s free during the day unless we need too call the back-up crew, and $50 after hours. Also, changing the locks will result in huge locksmith fees. Call us if you have a problem.

8.      Be careful to keep the utilities on when you leave for winter or summer break! If you turn the heat off during winter and the pipes freeze and burst, you’ll be getting a bill in the hundreds of dollars. If you leave and turn the electricity off in the summer and have food in the refrigerator and the neighbors call us to inspect for a dead body because it smells so bad, you’ll be getting a bill for cleaning and buying a new refrigerator (several hundred dollars).

9.      If you find your couch missing from the front porch one day after we have told you to remove it, also expect to get a bill for hauling it away. There is a city ordinance against interior furniture on front porches because it is a fire hazard. Also excluded are Tiki torches, lighter fluid, charcoal grills, etc. If we find that these items contributed to the cause of your house catching on fire, resulting in a “wall of flame that we ran from, jumped out the back windows, and finally watched the house burn down while the Ann Arbor Fire Department did it’s best to keep the neighboring houses from catching on fire as well,” you’ll be hearing from our insurance agent.

10.      If you have a party and have so many people dancing to the same beat that it sets up a catastrophic natural frequency and exceeds the load carrying limits of the living room floor, resulting in a large cracking sound signifying massive structural failure of all the supporting floor joists and further resulting in a mass exodus from the house of said party attendees, you’ll be getting a bill from our carpenter.

11.      Girls, If your mother calls your cell phone to say “hi” and is unable to talk to you but instead hears moaning sounds, and she then feels compelled to call 911 because she thinks you are having trouble breathing, and later the police and the fire department break down your apartment door but find no one at home (because you are at a “conference”), we will gladly repair your door and send you the bill for the damages. We will let you explain these charges to your mother.

I know, many of the above seem unbelievable, but they are all actual events that have happened and have resulted in deductions from security deposits.

Thanks!